My very good friend, Judy Stubblefield, said "A parents greatest fear is that our child will make a choice that will alter their life forever". Her words are ringing in my ears as I think about going into summer.
Please. Insist on wearing a helmet while riding a bike, skateboard, scooter, motorcycle..... Our community is still in pain over the death of a 16 year old boy who "made a choice that altered his life forever". He was not wearing a helmet while skateboarding.
Stay safe and have a Wonderful summer break.
Peace.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Parenting Class
I am gearing up to host the Parenting with Love & Logic class again. I always get so excited about the class, it always feels like great group therapy. The beauty of the class is that I am not the "giver of all knowledge"... all the parents have such a wealth of information to share and it is my honor to be a part of it all.
The following is from the newsletter that goes out from Love & Logic... Enjoy!
ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO COMPETE WITH YOUR CHILD'S ELECTRONIC DEVICES?
I know a mother and father who eat a lot of cold food - all thanks to certain electronics corperations and their teen's single-mided obsession with the darn things.
Yes! Nearly every night, these parents beg him to turn off the compter, turn off (or pause) the television, put down the video game controller, or unplug from the music. Their pleas fall on deaf (or earbud filled) ears.
Its not so much that the young man is blatantly defiant. He acknowledges them, at least with a grunt or the universal "just a second." But he's so engrossed in electronics land, that he truly has a hard time ripping his mind away from the device to join the family at the table. Of course, his parents get more and more frustrated as they experience less and less success wooing him from his high-tech goodies. obviously, this trend is not healthy for the young man or for the evening family mean.
Some parents have discovered a magical Love and Logic enforceable statement to help with this type of electronics abuse:
"We provide ______ for kids who _____ . "
+ "we provide computer time for kids who shut it down the first time they are asked."
+ "We provide television time for kids who have chores and homework done."
+ "We provide cell phones for kids who refrain from texting during the sermon at church."
As parents, we do provide these things, don't we? And when is a good time to remind kids of all the things that we provide? In a long-winded lecture when we are frustrated? How about before the item or privilege is abused, or with lots of empathy when it has been removed?
The Key to success with this phrase is our willingness to follow-through and the empathy in our voices, and on our faces, when kids lose the use of the device when it is abused.
The following is from the newsletter that goes out from Love & Logic... Enjoy!
ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO COMPETE WITH YOUR CHILD'S ELECTRONIC DEVICES?
I know a mother and father who eat a lot of cold food - all thanks to certain electronics corperations and their teen's single-mided obsession with the darn things.
Yes! Nearly every night, these parents beg him to turn off the compter, turn off (or pause) the television, put down the video game controller, or unplug from the music. Their pleas fall on deaf (or earbud filled) ears.
Its not so much that the young man is blatantly defiant. He acknowledges them, at least with a grunt or the universal "just a second." But he's so engrossed in electronics land, that he truly has a hard time ripping his mind away from the device to join the family at the table. Of course, his parents get more and more frustrated as they experience less and less success wooing him from his high-tech goodies. obviously, this trend is not healthy for the young man or for the evening family mean.
Some parents have discovered a magical Love and Logic enforceable statement to help with this type of electronics abuse:
"We provide ______ for kids who _____ . "
+ "we provide computer time for kids who shut it down the first time they are asked."
+ "We provide television time for kids who have chores and homework done."
+ "We provide cell phones for kids who refrain from texting during the sermon at church."
As parents, we do provide these things, don't we? And when is a good time to remind kids of all the things that we provide? In a long-winded lecture when we are frustrated? How about before the item or privilege is abused, or with lots of empathy when it has been removed?
The Key to success with this phrase is our willingness to follow-through and the empathy in our voices, and on our faces, when kids lose the use of the device when it is abused.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Positive Reinforcement
I hear people say all the time "You should use Positive Reinforcement"... what does that MEAN though?
Are we going to rely on external controls to maintain student behavior, or are we going to orient ourselves toward working with students to develop internalized controls? Do we want to make kids behave, or get them to want to behave?
People are pretty basic....We start doing the correct behavior behavior because there is a payoff for us.
I have a GoldenDoodle named Scout. When we first started training Scout, he wouldnt do a thing without a treat. Now he behaves and follows commands because he wants to be a good boy.
Our kids are not much different than my GoldenDoodle... heck, I'm not much different than my GoldenDoodle! I now, happily, do the Laundry. There is usually a "treat" for me when I take the clothes out of the wash... my husband regularly forgets to empty his pockets and yesterday I found a very clean 10 dollar bill. I wouldnt give us doing the laundry for anything!
The point is... there is a payoff for ALL of our behavior. Scout gets a biscuit or a scratch on his ear, I get a 10 dollar bill. We just have to think about the behaviors we want to encourage, for all I know, my husband is doing it on purpose - his pay off is that he gets his laundry done without any grumbling from me.
Are we going to rely on external controls to maintain student behavior, or are we going to orient ourselves toward working with students to develop internalized controls? Do we want to make kids behave, or get them to want to behave?
People are pretty basic....We start doing the correct behavior behavior because there is a payoff for us.
I have a GoldenDoodle named Scout. When we first started training Scout, he wouldnt do a thing without a treat. Now he behaves and follows commands because he wants to be a good boy.
Our kids are not much different than my GoldenDoodle... heck, I'm not much different than my GoldenDoodle! I now, happily, do the Laundry. There is usually a "treat" for me when I take the clothes out of the wash... my husband regularly forgets to empty his pockets and yesterday I found a very clean 10 dollar bill. I wouldnt give us doing the laundry for anything!
The point is... there is a payoff for ALL of our behavior. Scout gets a biscuit or a scratch on his ear, I get a 10 dollar bill. We just have to think about the behaviors we want to encourage, for all I know, my husband is doing it on purpose - his pay off is that he gets his laundry done without any grumbling from me.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Some Tips for Helping Anxious Kids
I copied the following from the Love & Logic Institute -
Like nearly all of the challenges faced by parents, anxiety in children has many possible causes and solutions. Fortunately, Love and Logic offers a variety of "experiments" to determine what might work best with each unique child:
Establish or strengthen family routines. With anxious, fearful kids, experiments with having set times for meals, bath times, reading, chores, bed times, etc.
Provide firmer limits. There are few things more reassuring to a child than knowing that they have parents who are strong enough to beat-up the Boogie Man if he broke into the house at night. All children wonder if they have parents who are strong enough to keep them safe. One of the ways they find out is to test limits and see if their parents appear weak or very strong.
Give less attention to anxious behavior. Experiment with using fewer words when your child is upset. Simply hug them and say, "I know you can handle this."
Model Calmness and optimism. Our children will rarely be any calmer and more confident than we are.
Avoid reinforcing avoidance behavior. Too frequently we traumatize children more by allowing them to repeatedly avoid healthy activities that can build their sense of security and self-esteem.
Allow your child to be a child. Every year, children are being pushed harder to become stars in academics, athletics, music, etc. This isn't good for kids.
Consider professional help. Because anxiety can have so many different causes, its always wise to get a professional medical opinion.
Like nearly all of the challenges faced by parents, anxiety in children has many possible causes and solutions. Fortunately, Love and Logic offers a variety of "experiments" to determine what might work best with each unique child:
Establish or strengthen family routines. With anxious, fearful kids, experiments with having set times for meals, bath times, reading, chores, bed times, etc.
Provide firmer limits. There are few things more reassuring to a child than knowing that they have parents who are strong enough to beat-up the Boogie Man if he broke into the house at night. All children wonder if they have parents who are strong enough to keep them safe. One of the ways they find out is to test limits and see if their parents appear weak or very strong.
Give less attention to anxious behavior. Experiment with using fewer words when your child is upset. Simply hug them and say, "I know you can handle this."
Model Calmness and optimism. Our children will rarely be any calmer and more confident than we are.
Avoid reinforcing avoidance behavior. Too frequently we traumatize children more by allowing them to repeatedly avoid healthy activities that can build their sense of security and self-esteem.
Allow your child to be a child. Every year, children are being pushed harder to become stars in academics, athletics, music, etc. This isn't good for kids.
Consider professional help. Because anxiety can have so many different causes, its always wise to get a professional medical opinion.
Monday, August 30, 2010
What do School Counselors DO?
I was at a National Board Meeting this weekend and during lunch, a classroom teacher asked me, "So what do you do when you are not doing Guidance activities in the classroom?"
It was then that I realized that if a Teacher doesn't know what School Counselors do... odds are, Parents and community members dont know either.
So.... in a nutshell, this is what I do.
The first two weeks I consult with parents about new behaviors they are seeing with their child and also any changes in the home (new job, lost a job, new house, death of a grandparent, marriage, divorce ect).
I also consult with Teachers about the students they have in their classroom, help them problem solve and help them to provide the best educational environment they can.
Once the frantic first two weeks pass, I have the following schedule:
Monday - I meet with the principals, see individual students, do group counseling.
Tuesday - ARD/IMPACT/504 and parent conferences
Wednesday thru Friday - Guidance activities
Everyday - Crisis intervention
Then I have an area called Universal Components... they include the following:
Career/post seconday exploration (career fair, college day, classroom guidance), Family and Community Relationships (parenting classes, Blog, PTA, Parent newsletter), Attendance (Monitoring students attendance, monday morning groups, home visits, phone calls home), Academic connections (lunch group, IMPACT, classroom guidance, data reviews).
I also prepare Guidance lessons that are developmentally appropriate for pre-k thru 5 th grade.
Whew! So.... If you were ever wondering what a School Counselor does, hopefully, this is your answer!
I love this work and I love this community!
Cheers!
It was then that I realized that if a Teacher doesn't know what School Counselors do... odds are, Parents and community members dont know either.
So.... in a nutshell, this is what I do.
The first two weeks I consult with parents about new behaviors they are seeing with their child and also any changes in the home (new job, lost a job, new house, death of a grandparent, marriage, divorce ect).
I also consult with Teachers about the students they have in their classroom, help them problem solve and help them to provide the best educational environment they can.
Once the frantic first two weeks pass, I have the following schedule:
Monday - I meet with the principals, see individual students, do group counseling.
Tuesday - ARD/IMPACT/504 and parent conferences
Wednesday thru Friday - Guidance activities
Everyday - Crisis intervention
Then I have an area called Universal Components... they include the following:
Career/post seconday exploration (career fair, college day, classroom guidance), Family and Community Relationships (parenting classes, Blog, PTA, Parent newsletter), Attendance (Monitoring students attendance, monday morning groups, home visits, phone calls home), Academic connections (lunch group, IMPACT, classroom guidance, data reviews).
I also prepare Guidance lessons that are developmentally appropriate for pre-k thru 5 th grade.
Whew! So.... If you were ever wondering what a School Counselor does, hopefully, this is your answer!
I love this work and I love this community!
Cheers!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Meet the Teacher Night
I am always amazed whenever we start the school year by how many people just want to help other people. I felt that energy today at Meet the teacher Night. Teachers were pitching in and helping each other, other staff posted themselves in the great hall, looking into the faces of the people entering the building for that "I'm new here" look on their face. You could see the new families relax when they knew they were welcome here.
I think that's all any of us want. Is to feel welcome. Wanted. Loved. Respected. I feel so blessed to be a part of the energy and magic that makes our school great.
I'm home.
I think that's all any of us want. Is to feel welcome. Wanted. Loved. Respected. I feel so blessed to be a part of the energy and magic that makes our school great.
I'm home.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Bumblebee Breath
I thought I would share a Yoga technique for relaxing and soothing.
Bumblebee Breath
Bees hum their days away, visiting flowers and making honey. As you hum, think of what makes you happy!
Wherever you are - walking, working, playing or resting, breathe in fully and as you breathe out hum like a bee.
Make sure your face and lips are soft so you can feel the vibration.
Repeat for as long as you like and experiment: humming from high to low - notice the differences.
Peace for the summer. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Bumblebee Breath
Bees hum their days away, visiting flowers and making honey. As you hum, think of what makes you happy!
Wherever you are - walking, working, playing or resting, breathe in fully and as you breathe out hum like a bee.
Make sure your face and lips are soft so you can feel the vibration.
Repeat for as long as you like and experiment: humming from high to low - notice the differences.
Peace for the summer. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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